The Meaning of Hope
by Chiisuki
Summary: With a renewed sense of 'Hope' for her future, Mai begins to embrace new feelings for Sayuri while they are both at University. Will Mai ever be able to open up to Sayuri and tell her what she feels is more than friendship? Yuri, Shoujo-ai, MaixSayuri
1. Chapter 1

**My frist Fanfiction attempt, please don't flame it too much. I always loved the idea of Mai and Sayuri as a couple, in the anime the feelings they possess for each other seem deeper than meer friendship.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kanon, Key/Visual Arts owns Kanon  
**

* * *

It was surprisingly cool for the second week of May; Mai lay slumped over her desk in the small apartment she occupied with Sayuri in the Shinjuku district of Tokyo. The room was lit up with a red hazy glow as the last of the days sunlight was depleting, the shadows of objects around the room were gradually elongating and slowly the sky was becoming enshrouded with its black velvet bed sheet full of tiny pin prick stars. It was a cloudless night and as the moon rose in the sky it illuminated the small figure fast asleep within her text book, her raven hair not tied in its usual pony tail cascaded across the desk and down her back. She shivered slightly as the cool night air penetrated her being.

The sudden darkness must have triggered something in Mai's brain as she began to stir, she was currently immersed in the same dream she'd been having for a while now. Ever since confronting her demons last winter and her powers bringing herself back to life, her perception on life seemed to change. Suddenly Mai realised she could have a future and she could indeed finally experience 'hope', hope that she would succeed in her education, hope that she would be finally happy, hope that she could be 'normal'(well as normal as Mai was capable of). Recently the one thing she had hoped for or more longed for was a different kind of relationship with Sayuri. Her subconscious seemed to be consumed with this new idea. Whenever she closed her eyes all she saw was her adorable blonde best friend. She had always known she loved Sayuri, she meant the world to Mai, and she would do anything for her even die for her. But now she felt something different sir within her stomach, a slight fluttering whenever Sayuri was close to her. She looked at the blonde in an entirely different way to before; this was probably due to the fact that she actually looked at the girl now, or more gazed upon her. Every millimetre of her was perfect in Mai's eyes, she just couldn't believe she hadn't realised this before and now her nights were restless, the same images repeating over and over of herself and Sayuri in an entirely different relationship.

* * *

Mai often sat up for hours through the night, sometimes reading her text books until the early hours, at other times sitting upon the windowsill in her bedroom gazing out at the stars, wishing, hoping, longing to understand the whirlwind of emotions and thoughts being contained within her brain. Mai was used to contemplating things on her own, after all she was never one for conversation, and she personally preferred to listen rather than speak. She had promised Sayuri that after the incident at the school she would always talk to her about everything, every thought, feeling or emotion no matter how unimportant it seemed they would reveal to each other. Mai's face twisted in thought as she imagined how Sayuri would react to what was brewing in the brain at this current second. She shook her head as if to dislodge the images in hope that they would fall out her ear and disappear forever and then the world would go back to how it should have been. No matter how hard she shook it the images were still there, she only succeeded in making herself feel quite dizzy and possibly bringing on a headache. After sitting perfectly still for a second to stop the world from spinning she rose from the windowsill and attempted to sleep for the 3 hours she had left before rising in the early hours and rushing to her lecture, at least her work took her mind off Sayuri for a few hours a day, but it seemed even after just a month of university she was struggling with concentrating on anything except the little blonde giggly girl who slept soundly in the adjacent room. This had become Mai's life, it was the same every night and the reason behind being found in her current situation of sleeping soundly, drooling slightly on her Animal Anatomy book.

* * *

She'd been so tired she'd fallen asleep in the middle of studying, but she was well aware than sleep would do her no good if she wanted to stay on top of her pre-lecture reading in preparation for tomorrow. Since deciding to study Veterinary science, Mai had really knuckled down to her work, much unlike the girl she was but a year ago. She always managed to keep up with the pace of the class, which was surprising considering she was attending the prestigious Tokyo University. She still remembered passing the entrance exam and the shock on everyone's face's including her own, well everyone except Sayuri. Who in her usual enthusiastic way explained how she never thought for one moment that Mai wouldn't pass. Sayuri who had also passed much to everyone's expectation in complete contrast to Mai was currently studying Medicine.

Mai quietly roused, blinking and squinting her eyes as they adjusted to the moonlight of the room. She glanced around and sighed, she'd fallen asleep again this won't do, how could she sleep in the afternoon and yet as soon as it was night she felt wide awake. Possibly it was due to Sayuri still being out at this time of day, if she'd been in the apartment Mai knew she'd have been wide awake, her mind racing at 1000 /mph her heart beating so hard it felt as if it was within her throat as she attempted to contain all the thoughts and feelings that engulfed her in Sayuri's presence. She rose from her seat, snapped her book shut and walked towards where she recalled the light switch being. She felt around for a few seconds and then clicked the switch illuminating the small, but extremely comfortable living room. Due to Sayuri's families fortune they had more than satisfactory living conditions for two, eighteen year old female students. Mai was actually living rent free as Sayuri's family had refused to allow her to pay anything towards her living costs. They classed it asrepayment for her friendship with Sayuri and how she'd taken care of her in hospital; little did they know it was Mai's fault that Sayuri had ended up in hospital in the first place, or that it was Mai who had healed Sayuri.

* * *

During the long nights on the hospital ward, Mai had lain in her bed beside her best friend and just gazed at her, listened to her soft breathing and watched the smooth motions of her chest as it rose and fell. Once she was sure Sayuri was deep asleep Mai would rise from her bed and creep beside the sleeping angel. Silently she would weep, tears of remorse, tears of frustration, tears of regret but the emotion she felt didn't matter as much as the tears themselves. As the healing tears cascaded down her face in silence and fell onto her slumbering friend they began their healing work. Helping restored tissue, nerve endings and broken bones as Mai silently cried, Sayuri's body was healing at a rapid rate. When she could cry no more for that night Mai would return to her bed and sleep, most mornings being awoken by the sound of shocked nurses at how rapidly Sayuri was recovering and that it must indeed be a miracle. During this time Mai learnt to embrace her power instead of run from it, she was no longer afraid of what she could do as if it could help her precious Sayuri then it must be a good thing. This was also the time she realised she wanted to finally use her power for good. She had set her heart on two things in that darkened hospital room her future career in veterinary and possibly becoming something more than a friend to Sayuri.

* * *

Mai's stomach gurgled, She frowned and then walked to the fridge to see if there was anything she could put together in 5 seconds, as much as Mai loved eating she never was a huge cooking fan. Quick and easy was her motto when it came to food, her preparing food anyway. As she approached the fridge she noticed something out of place a large pink post-it-note as she moved closer the writing became clearer,

_Sayuri left dinner in the fridge as Mai has been so busy studying just put it in the microwave as you've eaten far too much ramen lately._

_See you tomorrow_

_Sayuri_

Mai smiled as she read the note, she secretly loved Sayuri's habit of speaking about herself in the third person, as in Mai's eyes it made her unique and special. Mai guessed the reason for the food being left was due to Sayuri being out at a family function this evening. Mai had been invited but declined due to the memories of her last public function; she thought Sayuri would indeed be safer without her. Plus Mai never particularly liked crowds, lots of people made her feel uncomfortable and due to her personal dislike of small talk, she didn't fare well at social events. She never understood what the need for so much chatter when one or two words would suffice in getting a message across. Mai sighed as she opened the fridge to find the meal Sayuri had prepared for her, she removed it from the Tupperware container and placed it on a dish before setting the microwave for 8 minutes and then walking back into the living room. She slumped over the arm of the sofa her legs hanging over the edge as she lay backwards and stared at the ceiling waiting for the familiar ding of the microwave. She missed Sayuri already and felt terribly lonely all of a sudden, as if the note had just reminded her that she would be alone in the apartment tonight.

After eating her meal, flicking through endless channels on the TV and watching a couple of anime shows she enjoyed, she decided to just go to sleep. She wasn't able to concentrate on anything anyway as her mind was filled with images of Sayuri and how she wanted to hold her close, to touch her and… 'No' Mai shook her head; she must stop these thoughts they aren't right. Sayuri is her best friend and she couldn't let this new emotion cloud her thoughts and possibly result in the breakdown of their friendship. Mai clicked off the TV and whilst in a daze eventually ended up on her bed, she must have been so lost in her thoughts of Sayuri she didn't even realise she was walking. Mai changed pulled on her pyjamas and walked into the bathroom to brush her teeth and ready herself for bed.

She collapsed in her bed and tried her hardest not to think of anything. She remembered the game people play to clear their mind and focused on thinking about a chair. 'Chair, Chair, Chair' she repeated over and over in her mind every time Sayuri's silhouette appearing on it which caused Mai to roll over in frustration that she couldn't even control her own thoughts anymore. Eventually giving in to the dreams, wrapped in a tiny ball around her pillow which she clutched tightly for support she drifted off to sleep facing the wall.

The front door clicked open, it was the early hours of the morning now and Sayuri had finally made it home. She stumbled through the living room, knowing full well her family had given her far too much Sake tonight as they were celebrating her fathers Birthday. Sayuri not being one for drinking was already tipsy after a few sips and didn't realise how drunk she actually was until the world kept moving even after she'd stopped dancing. At least there were no lecture's tomorrow for her to worry about, she just needed sleep and possibly for the world to stop spinning. After stumbling into the bathroom to brush her teeth (she wasn't going to bed stinking of sake), she struggled to get her gown off and placed it on the couch in the living room, as she was in no state to put it away. Standing in just her underwear she stumbled towards the bedroom, slipping under the covers it felt surprisingly warm, but all she wanted now was sleep and cuddling up to one of her 'plush toys' she was out like a light.

Due to Sayuri's intoxicated state she didn't hear the gasp as she snuggled up to the other entity under the covers. Mai swallowed hard, she'd been shocked awake by the sudden pressure upon her back and now she was too petrified to move. Unsure if this was due to her being worried for her reaction or indeed Sayuri's if she moved. So she just lay there frozen, She could feel the warmth from Sayuri against her back but this heat wasn't as unbearable as the heat radiating from her cheeks or indeed her lower regions. Mai gulped as she buried her face in her pillow trying hard to ignore the thoughts going through her mind as Sayuri slept soundly behind her unaware of her drunken mistake. Mai knew she was in for a long night.

* * *

**I hope the first chapter wasn't too horrific, please review as any feedback positive or negative is apprechiated. If I get enough reviews I'll post up chapter 2**

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry this took so long to update, sadly the real world as of late was all getting a much for me. Anyway here's a new short chapter, I'm hoping to update with a slightly longer one later in the week. Thank you so much everyone who reviewed. Especially considering writing isn't my main forte I am greatly touched and I promise to update more often. Not the best update but at least it's something  
**

**Kanon is owned by Visual Art's/Key not me**

* * *

5.27am Mai stared at the digital clock next to the bed, she'd been glaring at it out of the corner of her eye for the past couple of hours, which now currently felt like an eternity. The whole excruciating time she'd lay there pressed up against the wall, trying to shift as far away as possible from the girl who's searing hot breath was coming in gusts on the back of her neck.

The heat was traveling down her spine and filling her body with every deep breath Sayuri took, all Mai could think was 'this is unbearable, I swear if I last tonight with my sanity intact it'll be a miracle'. The sweat drops collected on the back of her neck as she felt uncomfortably hot and sticky. Her concentration completely focused on keeping her breathing steady and her desires under control.

The bed creaked and a faint hum of a mumble leaked into Mai's ear as Sayuri changed her position trying to get comfortable, the alcohol from the previous night still lingering on her breath, stinging Mai's nose as it wafted past her face. Mai winced and hugged her body as tight as she could trying to dispel any arousal coursing through her veins. She desperately wanted to spin around and lock lips with the sleeping angel behind her, but she didn't even entertain that thought, of course Sayuri didn't harbour the same feelings as Mai, it wasn't possible. Mai couldn't even bear to think about what would happen if Sayuri found out and took it the wrong way, would she even look at her again? would they even be able to live in the same apartment anymore? All these thoughts sent a chill though her body, which contrasted greatly with the growing heat between her legs every time Sayuri's breath hit the back of her neck.

Mai didn't know what to do, she couldn't possibly risk waking the angel behind her, she didn't want to consider the consequences of what would happen if Sayuri were to look her in the eye right now. Her body was brimming with desire which wasn't made easier with the soft flesh that was currently caressing the back of her thighs. Mai gazed at the black wall in front of her, listening to the noises and deep breaths passing through the soft lips of the girl she desired and adored above any other. Mai tried hard to focus on anything else but Sayuri's lips, the scent wafting past her face gave her a faint idea of what they'd taste like a mix of the alcohol from the previous nights drinking and the sweet honey like scent of Sayuri herself. She wanted to feel those lips on hers, to claim them as her own and have all of Sayuri to herself, to touch and feel those lips, how soft and warm they are, to ease her tongue inside that delicate mouth, their tongues clashing and caressing each other. Mai winced 'what the hell was she thinking, Sayuri was her best friend, her closest friend this wasn't right. She shouldn't feel this way'.

With another loud creak of the bed, Mai's back suddenly felt cooler as the night air passed between their two bodies, she felt a sudden pang of loss in her heart as the heat shifted away from her body. Quickly glimpsing over her shoulder she saw that Sayuri had shifted onto her other side leaving Mai with the perfect escape route. Although only a few inches separated them it was just enough space for her to escape without waking the sleeping beauty.

Mai placed her hands on the wall in front of her, and using her knee's crawled caterpillar fashion down the bed praying she's left nothing at the foot of her bed that would make a loud noise should she land on it. She felt the heat rise again as she moved down under the covers gripping and sticking to the wall for dear life, at least the sweat on her palms was working well as suction cups as she moved down, but her perspiration drenched body wasn't coping well with the sheets which kept sticking to her thighs and torso as she propelled her body down towards the floor.

She managed to just drop off the end with as quiet a thud as she could muster, she then sat there ridged as Sayuri's body shifted in the bed again obviously the sound of her decent was enough to disturb but not rouse the sleeping girl, quickly her breathing went back into it's deep slumber filled rhythm. Success she had actually done it now just to get out of the bedroom. Mai on hands and knee's crawled towards the door, she knew full well if Sayuri woke now and saw her shadowy form at the end of the bed she'd have a heart attack and believe she was an intruder. Mai thanked the gods Sayuri in her intoxicated state hadn't closed the door all the way. She sat on her haunches beside the door as she attempted to open it as quietly as possible, when she gauged there was just enough space to squeeze through she shifted her body through the tiny space, she was more than thankful for her good reflexes tonight and her agility as it may have saved them both a lot of embarrassment tomorrow morning.

Finally able to raise herself up to her full height, Mai staggered across the room and clutched the end of the sofa as if it was the only thing keeping her body from dissolving into a puddle on the floor. She was breathing hard now, the thoughts flashing through her mind intense. She missed Sayuri's warmth and part of her wished she's stayed in Sayuri's arms and faced the consequences just to have a few more hours of that warmth, that closeness she constantly desired. 'No' she shook her head hard, trying to erase all the thoughts and flashes of Sayuri's body as they streamed past her eyes like a projected slide show. Mai fell over the arm of the couch and onto something soft, it smelt of Sayuri and instantly she was comforted. She snuggled up into the garment intoxicated by the scent the enveloped her senses. She was so tired she didn't even have to think and a shroud of darkness soon over took her conscious mind and she was fast asleep cuddled into Sayuri's ball-grown.


End file.
